I’ve learned in the post couple of years that I’m good at writing stories between 5.000 and 50.000 words. So this page will be dedicated to the shorter stories between 5.000 and 10.000 words. These stories will be for sale for a small amount of money. I’ve always pictured these stories being red on the toilet, or on the train or when having a smoke. I often think of these when having a smoke myself. A silent moment of reflection usually gets my gears grinding. The first of which you can read below. Somewhere. Enjoy…
UPDATE 14-08-2025
The second is somewhat different. It’s no longer a text, but a cartoon. This is basically my idea for what the Flash Fiction section would be like. Easier for me to make as well. Enjoy.
ENDING
If heaven had a phone line…
Who would be the first one you would dial?
Hank received a strange number from his friend Henry. He needed to call the number in order for him to get some closure. Hank’s dog recently died after being his companion for fifteen years. He loved that dog, and became a hermit. He avoided social interactions. All his necessities were home-delivered. In his mind he didn’t need anybody. Henry felt he needed to step up as his friend. Therefore he gave him the number.
Hank sat in his lazy chair, grabbed his phone, and called the number.
Operator: “you’ve reached heaven’s phone line. Thank you for calling. For English press 1, for other languages…hang up the phone or the line will be disconnected.”
Hank: “Uhh, one I guess.”
Operator: “If you wish to speak to anyone of our angels, clearly state a name and we will put you through. If you say the wrong name, the line will be disconnected.”
Hank: “How can I possibly know who is up there…uh. “I wish to speak to Franklin D. Roosevelt.”
Operator: “…I’m sorry the name you mentioned is not available. Have a heavenly day…”
The line got disconnected. Hank was confused. Surely Roosevelt would be up there he thought. He called his friend Henry who gave him the number.
“Henry, what the fuck? Have you called that number yourself?! Why wouldn’t one of our greatest presidents be up there?”
Henry started laughing.
“You won’t find a world leader up there. They always claim to be faithful, yet their actions never reflect that supposed faith. Their ‘hand-on-bible’ laying capacity doesn’t mean they get to earn a spot in heaven. Ask for a deceased family member, or someone else dear to you. The line is there for closure. The operator knows you, if you’re not deserving…the signal is dead. So think if someone you care about, and try again.”
Hank paused for a while, and thought of the other strange thing.
“Okay, so helping us through a war doesn’t suffice huh. So, answer me this. Why only English? Are non-English speaking people undeserving? Heaven is supposed to be for good people, right? So, why does it matter?
Henry thought about it for while. It is a strange thing for the operator to request after all.
“Well, it’s simple. The intelligence used to create The Operator only comes in one language. The technology up there still need some major upgrades.”
Hank still seemed confused, and remained doubtful of this fact. He choose to ignore his thoughts, thanked Henry for his help, and hung up the phone. He dialed the number again.
Operator: “You’ve reached heaven’s phone line. Thank you for calling. For English press 1, for other languages…hang up the phone or the line will be disconnected.”
Hank pressed 1 on his phone.
Operator: “If you wish to speak to anyone of our angels, clearly state a name and we will put you through. If you say the wrong name, the line will be disconnected.”
Hank: “I wish to speak to my mother in law, Irene Ophelia Underwood.”
Operator: “…She happens to be available. I’ll put her through.”
Hank was confused again. His mother-in-law?! Why would she of all people be available.
She was always nasty to Hank. Then again, he finally got someone to talk to.
Irene: “Yes…this is Irene Ophelia Underwood speaking. Who is asking for me?”
Hank: “Uh…hi Irene, remember me, your former son-in-law?”
Irene: “How could I forgot. After the misery you caused my daughter. I’m a bit suprised you didn’t try to call her.”
Hank: “Well, what would I say to her. She probably still hates me.”
Irene: “If you can’t let go of your hate, you aren’t allowed up here. That is why I forgave you just before my passing. My daughter gave up her hate as well, to be up here with me. So, hang up the phone, and call her.”
Hank: “Can’t you just put her on the phone?”
Irene: “It doesn’t work that way. You have to call again, and ask for her…”
The line got disconnected. Hank wanted to know more, and dialed the number again.
Operator: “You’ve reached heaven’s phone line. Thank you for calling. For English press 1, for other languages…hang up the phone or the line will be disconnected.”
Hank pressed 1 on his phone. He started to wonder if he can’t just skip the operator’s message.
Operator: “If you wish to speak to anyone of our angels, clearly state a name and we will put you through. If you say the wrong name, the line will be disconnected.”
Hank: “I wish to speak to Sandra Leanne Underwood.”
Operator: “…She happens to be available. I’ll put her through.”
His ex-wife was heard through the phone.
Sandra: “Hello Hank.”
Hank: “He, uh, how…how are you?”
Sandra: “That’s what you wanted to ask me?! Well, no longer alive. Up here you always feel the same.”
Hank: “Right, of course. No…I wanted to ask, uh. Are you still upset with me?”
Sandra: “No, I forgave you before my passing. Otherwise, you aren’t welcome here. Are you upset about what happened to me?”
Hank: “Every day I think about it. When I wake up, I still feel regret not listening to you.”
Sandra: “I made a simple request. You were too lazy to comply with that request.”
Hank: “I know. I should have fixed that old car. The brakes were faulty years before it happened.”
Sandra: “If you would have listened. I might still be around, with you.”
Hank: “I know, I know, dammit I know.”
Sandra: “You can let go. There’s nothing you can do to change it. Accept my fate, and forgive yourself.”
Hank: “Thank you, I needed to hear this in order to move on. I miss you, honey, to this day.”
Sandra: “You need to call someone else as well. Your best friend is also here. Call him…”
The line was disconnected. Hank decided to call Henry first. He needed to process all of this.
Hank: “I’m confused. Where did you get that number from? And why did you give it to me?”
Henry: “I’m your friend. I recognized that you needed to talk to your loved ones who passed. Where I got the number from is not important.”
Hank: “You have a direct line to heaven, and you think it’s not important to tell me where you got it from?! You can give the number to so many people who need this. Why just me?!”
Henry: “You need one more call. I can hear it in your voice. The number will be disconnected after the final call. So chose wisely. And this time, press 2 to skip the operator message. Your best friend is waiting for you…”
Hank got even more confused. His mind was racing with all sorts of thoughts. Who could he possibly be referring to? When did he even meet Henry? It felt like he knew him all his life. Call his best friend…? He decided to call the number one last time.
Operator: “You’ve reached heaven’s phone line. Thank you for calling.”
Hank pressed 2 to skip the rest. The line didn’t disconnect. After a while a voice was heard through the phone. Hank didn’t recognize the voice so he started asking questions.
Hank: “Who are you?”
Unknown: “Your best friend of course.”
Hank: “I don’t have a best friend. I have a friend who is still among the living.”
Unknown: “You don’t recognize my voice?”
Hank: “Vaguely. You kind off…sound like…Henry?”
Henry: “Yes, it’s me.”
Hank: “But how?! You’re alive. You gave me this number.”
Henry: “I’m alive? Do you even remember what I look like, or how we met?”
Hank: “Of course I do. You look like, uh… We must have met before. How would I know your name, and accept you in my life?”
Henry: “We’ve met before, before my passing. It took some time before I decided to call you, and I introduced myself to you as Henry. You never receive any visitors, you never leave the house. Yet you still call me your friend.”
Hank: “I still don’t get it. What is this?! Some kind of prank. How did you get my mother-in-law and Sandra on that number?! Why are you fucking with my head?!”
Hank was distraught. He couldn’t figure out what was happening. If this ‘Henry’ even existed. He needed to calm down and collect his thoughts for a second. He couldn’t remember ever meeting this friend. After his dog Yessi died, there was no connection with anybody. The delivery guy was probably the closest thing to a friend to him, but he wouldn’t do this. Hank didn’t even know his name, hardly a friend. He decided to continue the conversation to find out more.
Hank: “I have a feeling that i know who you are. It’s not possible though. Unless of course…the movie was right! That damn movie we watched together. All dogs go to heaven!”
Yessi: “They do. It’s full of dogs up here. Unlimited supply of tennis balls as well.”
Hank: “Why did you call yourself Henry?”
Yessi: “I decided to have a litte fun. If i called myself Yessi, you wouldn’t have made all this progress. You needed to find out on your own. The name is simple, H(anks). E(ver). N(ice). R(etriever). Y(essi).”
Hank: “Really? Ever Nice? You didn’t shit on my carpet…twice?”
Yessi started laughing. Dogs that go to heaven can speak with all souls they have bonded with. Hank and Yessi talked for hours. Sandra and Irene could be heard laughing in the background. They rounded up their conversation.
Yessi: “You can let go now, Hank. It’s time.”
Hank: “I know, my time here has come to an end. I can feel my life fading. I’m finally ready to join all of you. I no longer feel resentment or hate. All that should have been cleared, is clear. See you in a bit, buddy.”
Yessi: “Till then, my friend…”
The line disconnected a final time. Hank leaned back in his lazy chair, and closed his eyes. A final sigh of relief, and he passed on. Ready to join his best friend in the sky.
THE END
Tales From A Martian 